Maudie's

[cringe]

Fajita Nachos, a.k.a. a waste of $9.50

I've never had fond memories of a little Austin favorite called Maudie's. It definitely has its fans, but I've long had vague memories of it being, uh, kinda gross, mostly because they use this cheese that is less a cheddar than a grated block of some really soft Velveeta-like processed cheese. The kind that melts at a high room temperature. But it got proposed in that time frame where it had been enough time for me to want to retest that vague memory of disapproval. So I went, and I ordered the beef fajita nachos. No mistaking or forgetting this: these are maybe the worst nachos I have ever had in my life.

Let me be very clear. You can play around with the ingredients in nachos. The proportions, their application, all up to one's own creativity and proclivities. This is encouraged! Get Crazy! Go Wild! But you CAN'T FUCK WITH THE CHEESE. Come on. If the bag you're getting it out of has any part of the product name in quotation marks, it's not quality. This "cheese" is gummy and pasty, and honestly, even if there hadn't been too much beans or terrible quality meat, this "cheese" would have been the death-knell for even something tasty.

I've never had nachos whose taste so much like a Philly Cheesesteak. But it makes sense: crappy, chewy cuts of meat, over-seasoned and overcooked, slathered with cheap, creamy "cheese." SICK ME OUT. This is the first plate of nachos that I didn't even eat half of.

Chips: Sog, too big for amount of beans and toppings.
"Cheese": disgusting. inedible.
Meat: tough, not flavorful or worth the price hike.
Accoutrements: Included in price! But skimpy. Promised escabeche was nowhere to be found.
AVOID

Dog & Duck Pub

Whatever crappy name they have for these weird crappy nachos - $too much money for these crappy nachos

So my girlfriend had night 1 of her sprawling 29 night birthday celebration at Dog & Duck Pub, because she wanted to drink and eat some greasy fish. Like that's hard to find I was like, "woo let's take some Mickey's to Long John's WOOOOO." And she said no so we were going to doggy duck and I got a text from my friend Katy who says,
"OMG DOGGY DUCK. THEY HAVE THE BEST CHICKEN NACHOOOS"
"WEEE Are you coming to birthday celebration?"
"I don't know I don't want to be awkward."
"COME"
"OK! I'll bring a cake! What kind does your girlfriend like?"
"UM!" I have no idea but I like ice cream cake. "Ice cream cake!"
"OK!

Anyway so everyone is there and getting drunk and I am not drinking anything but a diet coke and waiting, waiting, waiting for my small order of nachos. And then they come:
So they look ok but I had already had one and knew they were gross so I didn't take a very good picture of them.
Also: LOOK THEY GAVE ME TWO PLATES like I was going to share them with someone. Or even if I were that we couldn't be trusted to eat off of the same plate.

The chicken was really dry and very weird. And there was just TOO MUCH crap on them. TOO much crap and they were dry (but somehow got soggy) and had dry weird chicken on them. I didn't even finish them!

And then I ate ice cream cake!

Mother's Cafe and Garden

Deluxe Nachos - $7.95

Oh, Austin. You are full of people. People who live in Austin. Some of the people who live in Austin are Austin People. And Austin People don't eat at the Cheesecake Factory. Austin People eat at places like Mother's.

Mother's menu is full of foods with words like "Vegetable, "Veggie," and "Organic" and conspicuously lacking words like "Beef," "Chicken," and "Delicious." For this reason, and also the fact that once I went there I ordered something that was 10 dollars and was basically a piece of warm tofu with some organic ketchup sauce on it, I tend to demur when Mother's is proffered as a dinner spot.

But I've lived in Austin for uuuuum 6 years! And some of the people I love in Austin are Austin People. So I have to go there OK blah blah I got there and get a LOAD OF THIS:

OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU HIPPIES MAKE SOME TASTEEEEEEEEEE GOOD NACHOS!!!

A pile of chips, smothered in melty white jack cheese, black beans, diced tomatoes and onions and pickled jalapeno slices, then topped with a huge scoop of guacamole and two of sour cream. These are some of the most AMAZING nachos I have ever had. Excellent proportions, quality ingredients, and the plate, huge as it is, INCLUDES sour cream AND guacamole. These are an excellent, excellent value and a great plate.

Only two qualms. First, the nachos are assembled like this: pile of chips, liberal application of toppings, scoops of guac and sour cream. This means lots of topping on the top chips and a lot of sad naked chips underneath!

Second, as you can tell from the picture, the sour cream is liquidy! I don't understand. But actually thinking about this it is different for me...but it is not bad (not a qualm)!

HERE IS ANOTHER PICTURE OF THESE AMAZING NACHOS:

El Arrrrrrroyo

The "Works" Nachos - $7.50 (plus sour cream)

El Arroyo has always been

a) the place that makes Tex/Mex food that errs more on the side of the "Tex" than the "Mex" (due in large part to their menu's signature item: BBQ chicken, which takes that stalwart of Texas pride, BBQ, and makes some soupy spicy-ketchup stewed chicken and puts it on everything using that name. NOTE: Once I panicked and ordered a BBQ chicken burrito covered in queso...not recommended.)
El Arroyo is also

b) THAT PLACE you go on Thursdays because they have dollar margaritas.

So this particular day maybe I had I think four (margaritas!).

Six big nachos, covered with refried beans, cheese, shredded chicken (NOT BBQ, though it is available), diced tomatoes, guacamole, and jalapenos.

Sour cream (see that tiny thing of it? It was extra. Also LOOK AT my margarita on the right side...number two? YAY)
Chips: Big, half-tostada things which started off the meal well enough, but got really soggy by the time I ate the second one in large part to the excessive amount of the goopy, lardy beans spewed (SPEWED) all over them. The chicken was tasty but tasted like maybe a little BBQ had found its way in there; maybe there is just a thick BBQ cloud that hovers over their entire kitchen and lightly flavors everything that comes out. Like McDonald's putting sugar in everything!

Good amounts of diced tomatoes, guac (delicious and included YAY), and jalapenos. They broiled them and so the chip edges got all brown and crispy.

OVERALL: good proportions, quality ingredients and choices! But marred by a dousing of liquidy diarrhea beans that made my once oven-crispy chips sog.

But I was drunk on those dollaritas and ATE THEM ALL!

WHY NACHOS ARE GOOD

A plate of chips with stuff on them.